Carolin Pan Week 10 - Power of Compassion
Carolin Pan
Week 10
Power of Compassion
Compassion is the sympathetic feelings of concern for the misfortunes and sufferings of those around us and the wish to help them. Recently, a few of my friends have been greatly impacted by their final semester grades and the stress of starting the new semester off with decent grades. To show compassion I have spent quite a few hours talking to and texting those friends, encouraging and reassuring them. I must admit that I find having compassion for others quite difficult. Though when others show me compassion (such as comforting me during my mental breakdown after a math exam), I feel less unhappy and more emotionally restored.
I would like to say that I am quite compassionate, sometimes. When others tell me about their crises or ask me for advice, I may spend the entire day thinking about ways to help them with their issues. When I see my friends feel any sort of unhappiness, I feel the need to comfort them. However, I find that I often sacrifice my mental health for the sake of others because I am too caught up in the issues of others. Although compassion is important in order for one to be approachable and likable, there is a difference between a compassionate friend and a therapist who is able to offer professional help. Compassion is powerful but just like all types of power, there is a limit.
A Stanford Medicine article states that compassion “can also help improve the physical health and psychological well-being of the person doing good.” But is that really true? Though a compassionate person may feel pleasant after supporting their struggling friends, does it really go as far as improving the “psychological well-being” of the altruistic volunteer?
Source: http://ccare.stanford.edu/press_posts/a-new-understanding-of-the-power-of-compassion/
I admire your ability to be compassionate and understanding towards your friends. I definitely need to learn from you because I tend to want to solve my friends problems rather than be a listening ear to them. Honestly, I think we should all get therapy training of some sort during school so we can all learn to be more understanding and helpful to our friends when they are in a state of crisis or just upset.
ReplyDeleteHey Carolin, I admite you for being able to soend that much time into your friends that much to help them as it takes a lot of patience to be empathetic and comforting. There is a lot of power in being willing to put that kind of effort into someone as everyone wants a friend who is able to think of others. I also think your discussion if the true benefits of empathy for the person being empathetic was incredibly interesting as it is something that I hace seen a lot of people deal with. For a successful friendship, there needs to be a balance between prioritizing yourself and being empathetic. While helping others can definitely be good for mental health, I do agree that focusing too much on others’ problem can actually be detrimental to one’s mental health.
ReplyDeleteHi Carolin, sometimes the best way to help someone is to give them time to reflect on their own or just listen to them. Listening to someone in a crisis is far more beneficial to their well-being than providing any input as they are in an emotional state. From my experience, if someone is hurt, friends should avoid saying “chill out” or “it’s not a big deal” as that just invalidates their pain. Instead, listening to why they feel the pain and encouraging them to get over it, like saying “don’t worry, you can overcome this,” is the best way for them to move past it.
ReplyDeleteHello Carolin,
ReplyDeleteI think that the competitive nature of the Bay Area and other densely urban areas makes it difficult to show compassion because we keep telling ourselves that we cannot make mistakes or else so many others will surpass us. When we see others facing academic issues specifically, we understand why they may be devastated, but cannot necessarily help them. Empathizing with someone and sympathizing with them are two separate ideas. Personally, it can be hard to tell whether someone's sympathy is sincere, and, depending on the circumstances, conversation is not always helpful. I guess the power of compassion is limited by how much you truly empathize with that person.
Hey Carolin! I really admire that compassion and love you have towards your friends and it’s so heartwarming that you realize how much power what you do has. It’s really cool that you put so much effort into helping your friends through their problems or circumstances when they need help. Spending a day thinking of ways to help them, that's a lot of time believe me. That being said, I completely agree that although helping your friends makes you happy, spending too much time focusing on their problems and trying to help them might hurt you and your mental health at the end.
ReplyDeleteHello Carolin and readers! I can verify that all these things are true! Carolin is indeed kind, genuine, and compassionate. All the wonderful qualities she possesses are ones I truly admire and aspire to be. I also agree that your compassion is quite powerful– I have experienced it first hand! However, if you find this to be costly to your mental health, please do not help others at your own expense. You can preserve your kindness and well being, because what matters most is your happiness! *u* :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteHey Carolin! You pose an interesting argument, but before I get into that, I want to say it is very kind of you to take the effort to check in with your friends. But as you said, compassion doesn't come easy for you, which is honestly a lot more common than you'd think. You mention how you don't feel necessarily great after treating someone with compassion. Honestly, I somewhat believe the Stanford result, but I think it varies per person. There's this quiz that identifies your love language towards friends, family, and significant others, and I remembered this when reading your blog. I don't think it'll improve the "psychological wellbeing" of most people, but I know for me personally, I enjoy and feel happy when I see others happy. There are a few people like that, but everyone is different, and what always matters the most is your own heath and well-being, through whatever means necessary.
ReplyDeleteHi Carolin, it’s really great that you can show compassion toward others, but I definitely think that it takes balance as well. I have also read about how some people are highly sensitive, and can become more tired and overwhelmed faster. It is always important to keep some boundaries and have self care. Being compassionate towards others but not to the point that it becomes unhealthy or stressful for you. Friends, who in turn feel compassion for you, would probably be upset to know their stress was causing unhappiness.
ReplyDeleteHi Carolin, I understand your battle between being compassionate and helping your friends with their mental health issues and also looking to balance your own in the process. Although helping others might feel frustrating and never-ending at times, the fact that it is really helping someone deal with their issues constructively is something that gives me reassurance. Other people's problems can bleed into your life because of your altruistic investment in them, but I think it's important to be there for people but not invest to the point where it impacts your mental health.
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